When you are a kid, you have the least of the worries in the world. All you care about is playing with your friends, going to your cousin’s house during the summer break, and wanting ice cream all the time. Well, at least, I did. I didn’t like going to school because I wanted to study. No, no, no. I liked going to school so that I could meet my friends and talk all day long. That was the best part about growing up. Friends.
We talked about the stupidest things that were the highlights of our school lives. We thought that our lives would change based on these things. Only to find out later that we would forget half of these things and life would move on. Life would move on and take us with it. And, at times, it would move fast when we wanted to slow down, and at times, it would be slow when we wanted to run. When life moved on, I realized that I didn’t want to grow up.
When I Was a Kid
I observed that people around me, who were grown-ups, were so grumpy. Always angry. Always yelling. Being around them was so stressful. Whether it was in school or at home, they were always jumping at the chance of scolding you. That’s why it was always pleasantly surprising, whenever we got a teacher who was actually a nice person. And not made up of bricks, cold stares, and hawk-like eyes. Grown-ups were disappointing. They never liked anything you did. They encouraged you to ask questions and then made an annoyed face when you did. Also, they blatantly lied to our faces when they said that they don’t practice favoritism.
And the worst of all. When they laughed at your little-kid-problems. They thought that because you are a kid, you could possibly have no issues of any sort. You could not have a disturbed home. Or neglected mental health. Or abused physical health. We’re kids, right? What is the worst that can happen in our lives?
No one wanted to reach out to the kid in class who wasn’t doing so well. No one wanted to know why they weren’t doing so well. They just wanted results, so they could flaunt it and say that their class or their school got the best result. They didn’t teach the right way. All that was wanted out of you, was bookish words. No learning. Just book words. That you had memorized. No one taught you how to take care of yourself. No one taught you how to look for help. We weren’t even taught what mental health is.
When I Grew Up
Just study. Study. Study. That’s how you were born. That’s how you’ll die. Study. Study. Like your life depended on it. And so we did. And with this process, the part of me that didn’t want to grow up, dissolved into the thin air around me and no longer existed.
Because guess what. I was growing up. I knew I didn’t like it. But I also knew that I had no other option. I had to grow up. That’s what the world did to us. That’s what we became when we went into the process. A process designed to kill you. It showed what wanted. It allowed you to hold this desire close and weave it into your chest. And when it became a piece of your heart, it ripped it out. And left you to bleed.
So, what does me not wanting to grow up had to do with this?
Well, every grown-up that I knew would know that this was happening. And they would do nothing to stop this process. They were a part of it. And they would not let go.
So, when I never wanted to grow up. I didn’t want to be like them. I knew that if I grew up, I would be like them. So, I made many desperate attempts to stay a kid. None of them worked. And my grumpy self started to come out.
Am I a Grown Up?
I am an introverted person. But right now, I am the most introverted I have ever been. People genuinely make me angry. I don’t like talking to them. Don’t like it when we have guests. I don’t like them and want them to leave immediately.
I’m not sure if this means that I am a grown up. But it for sure means I want to stay away from all the people who wanted me to grow up.
